ironically yours
by Kyoshi7989
Summary: A simple exchange of letters goes farther than Zuko thought it would. Fortunately, some love stories are meant to happen. Let’s hope the message makes it through their thick skulls. Zutara


Dear Avatar's Wench,

Normally, there's no chance in hell that I would _ever_ say _or _write this…but…I need your help.

It seems that Uncle has come down with a nasty case of the flu.

At any other time, I would enjoy the blissful lack of proverbs, but his coronation is coming up and it would be troublesome to find a new candidate.

I'd simply order you to the palace, but _apparently_ I'm supposed to be _subtle_ (Uncle has come up with the ridiculous notion that we _belong together_. Horrifying, isn't it?).

So, will you please explain to me how to…fix…my Uncle (and the soon-to-be Firelord, which, as I already mentioned, would be troublesome to replace).

With Complete and Total Dignity and Most Certainly _Not_ Groveling,

Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation

P.S. I'd heard that the Avatar and yourself had "gotten together." Is this true?

**

* * *

**

_Dear Zuko (I _refuse_ to take part in these childish name-callings, you inconsiderate jerk),_

_It seems you've become a good bit nastier since leaving our little group (Ha. I _knew_ I was right about you)._

_Or is it just me?_

_I'm sorry to hear that Iroh is sick. (_Best wishes on ascending the throne, Iroh!_) And that's just plain_ mean_. Even _talking_ about you're Uncle's death…I know you're trying to be tough, but honestly, you men are such _dolts_—women _like_ sensitive guys. Besides, we all know that on the inside, you're dying (both emotionally and physically. Sokka poisoned your stew last week.)._

_Subtly is good, Zuko. If you're ever going to rule, you'll need to be willing to sly past nobles and, sometimes, old-stuffy-in-your-face-sexist-pig rules._

_Trust me. I know._

_And all your Uncle needs is a good cup of tea, and some bed rest. I can tell _that_ right away, and you didn't even list the symptoms. (And yes, that is just _sick_. Us. _Together_? It's like the apocalypse.)_

_The World-Renowned, Greatly Respected, Highly Doubtful of Your Self-Given Description,_

_Katara of the Southern Water Tribe_

_P.S. Where'd you here that? Aang and I are just friends, thank you very much. No romance for us._

_P.P.S. Why'd you ask?_

**

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**

Dear Hopelessly Annoying, Overly Feminist, Incredibly _Anti_-Sexist Wench Also Known as Katara,

I have _not_ gotten nastier. I was just a bit…snappy…last time. (Don't listen to what Uncle tells you. Mai didn't leave me; _I _left _her_.)

Uncle has now almost completely recovered, and is back to his old proverb loving self. (That's not a good thing.) (_Why, hello, Katara! It's wonderful to hear from you again? How is your brother doing? –Iroh_)

My tough-act is _not_ an act. Although I am somewhat attached to my Uncle, I am completely and totally independent. You should expect no less from the Fire Nation's future ruler. (And what the hell?!?! Your oaf of a brother _poisoned_ my _stew_? With what, _prunes_?!?!)

Uncle was overjoyed when he read your diagnosis. You should have recommended hot water instead. This much tea is bad for him in his old age. (I agree, for once. There is no _way_ that the placing of us two in a romantic relationship could result in a suitable match for either of us. The apocalypse it would be.)

The _Also_ World Renowned and Unbelievably Gifted Master of the Sword,

Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation

P.S. Good. He's too young for you.

P. P. S. I ask not because I care, but because it would be troublesome if I was forced to attend your wedding. Which would be a total disaster, by the way.

**

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**

_Dear Aggravatingly Stubborn Mule that Happens to Know How to Use a Sword Without Killing Himself (Unfortunately),_

_Yes, Zuko, you _have_ gotten nastier. Although, for some reason, I think you only act this way around me. It seems to be what people expect of you as well…and what you expect of yourself. (Mai and you broke up? That's awful! She never really was my type, but she seemed to really love you…What happened?) Actually, I think that the stress of court nobles and pressure to choose a bride is getting to you. You were pretty nice (for a time) while you were travelling with us…But now you've reverted to your former self. (Please change back. I don't like it when you act like this.)_

_Why do you hate me so much? It used to be the other way around. (It's almost like one of those cliché treat-the-girl-you-have-a-crush-on-like-crap. But we both know that you're just an inconsiderate jackass, don't we?)_

_I'm glad that you're Uncle is feeling better. It would have been _awful_ if we had to schedule the coronation all over again. (_It's great to hear from you, too, Iroh! Sokka's doing great, actually. Suki's pregnant, and he's freaking out over pre-parental overprotective issues. He won't let her leave the house without an escort. Unfortunately for Sokka, pretty soon the mood swings are gonna kick in. –Katara)

_Yes, Zuko, we all know that your tough-guy act _is_, in fact, just an Hey-look-at-me-I'm-so-macho boasting party, brought on by lack of a girlfriend and sexually repressed hormones throughout the years. (…You believed me? No, actually, Sokka would never risk the peace, however much of a moron he is sometimes—although I wouldn't put it past him to convince the cooks that you love stewed sea prunes more than anything else in the world…_

_Don't worry about it, Zuko; too much _tea_ is _never_ bad for you. (Although it might be hazardous to your Uncle if someone were to take it away.) (Speaking of romantic relationships, I'm currently without a boyfriend. Any ideas?)_

_The Amazingly Pretty, Incredibly Strong, Kick-Ass Waterbender that Could Defeat You in Your Sleep,_

_Katara_

_P.S. Too _young_ for me? Not anymore. Aang's an adult now. Besides, he and Toph are in love._

_P.P.S. Tsk. My wedding will wonderful, dreamy, romantic, and everything good about life. Unlike yours. Your bride would probably leave halfway through the ceremony._

* * *

Dear Astoundingly Annoying Water Peasant with a Bad Taste in Clothing (Not to Mention God-Awful Hair, 

If I have gotten nastier, it's your fault, wench. You bring out the worst in me. (Mai and I broke up because things weren't working. Aka, it's none of your business, peasant.)

…I absolutely, totally, completely and _utterly_ detest saying this, but you're the first one to understand that. Those pathetic nobles...They want me to get married and _produce an heir_. As if I can marry just anybody…If I don't act soon they'll give me an _arranged_ marriage.

I don't hate you, peasant. Don't ask what I _do_ feel towards you. Stupid emotions. They're being difficult today. (That is far too cliché for my liking. And no, peasant, I'm _not_ a jackass. That would be your brother.)

Uncle is glad that he's better, too. And I suppose that it's a little easier when I don't have to worry about him every second of the day. (_Really? That's wonderful! You will be an aunt! I feel sorry for your brother, though. Pregnancies can become very dangerous to the man in question. –Iroh_)

How many times do I have to tell you that it's not an act?!? I care for my Uncle, peasant, but that's it. My honor requires me to be strong enough to serve my nation. And I am _not_ sexually repressed. Mai was actually very…intimate. Among other people. (I hate sea prunes. Serve them to me and you die.)

Don't let Uncle hear that. Otherwise, he'd never stop drinking it. I'd prefer for the Fire Nation _not_ to sink farther in debt than we already are, thank you very much. (No boyfriend? You're pathetic. Even _I_ could get a girlfriend if I tried…What about that mustache-boy we travelled with? Haru?)

The Ultimately In-Charge and Ever Honor-Maintaining Future World Leader,

Zuko

P.S. Good. She was annoying as well. They go together.

P.P.S. I'm sure you'll find the _man of your dreams_, peasant. (Isn't that what girl's dream about?) And my bride will be a much better wife than _you_ could _ever_ be.

**

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**

_Dear Maniacal Dictator Who Lost His Honor Years Ago,_

_No, it is _not_ my fault. (And fess up. You'd never act like this to my fact, would you? You're just taking out everything on me. Bastard.) Uh-huh. Things _weren't working_? You lost your temper again, didn't you?_

_God. An _arranged marriage_? I am overwhelmed with pity (for the bride; not for you). Producing an heir, though, with someone you don't even love—that actually sounds kinda…I dunno…unfaithful, in a way. (Unfaithful to your heart. Or the woman you're _really_ in love with, if there is one. Now that I think of it, it would be unfaithful to both of them, actually.)_

_I don't hate you either, Zuko. Are you having emotional problems again? Sokka can always give you counseling. He's good at that. (Sokka's not a jackass. An idiot, yes, but not a jackass.)_

_Aw! You were _worried_! This _proves_ you care! _(I know! I'm so excited…I can't wait to meet my niece! Sokka will probably be doubly in-danger, then. He pisses off Suki normally, even. –Katara)

_You care for _no one _but your Uncle? I find that hard to believe…What about your mother? Surely even _you _aren't _that_ heartless…(That gave me a few disturbing mental images. So…you're _not_ a virgin. Interesting. Sokka owes me fifty bucks.)_

_Haru? No. Actually, he went gay for Teo. Hm…maybe I should see if Longshot's still around…_

_The Goddess of Water and Awesomest Bender Ever,_

_Katara_

_P.S. Don't say that, you jerk!_

_P.P.S. Thank you very much. I will. (And you're right. That _is_ what girls dream about. You're just the monster that haunts our nightmares.) Your bride will be perfect for you, I'm sure. (Unless the nobles become even stupider and go through will the whole arranged marriage thing. Then your lives will eternally suck.)_

**

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**

Dear Underwater Sea-Cow With a Brain the Size (And Capability) of a Turnip,

It is your fault. (And I would, too. I'm no coward.) And for your information, it had nothing to _do_ with my temper. Our love was so boring that I couldn't stand it any longer. (Besides, Azula tells me that Mai was only in it for the sex. Why didn't I have her executed again…?)

Yes. An _arranged marriage_. (Personally, I expected it. Inbreeding rates are surprisingly high among royalty.) How can sex with someone I don't love be unfaithful? (Sentimental idiot.) And I don't love anyone, except my Uncle and my mother. (Don't even suggest that. It's just sick.)

I have no emotions, wench. In other words _emotional problems are not possible_. Get that through your unbelievably thick skull, please. (Being with Uncle is counseling in itself. Assuming that counseling consists of consuming unhealthy amount of tea and so many proverbs that your ear-drums rupture.)

Yes, I was worried, but only for my sake. Remember what I said about finding a new Firelord _being troublesome_? Or did you forget again? (_I fear for your brother. Indescribable hurt and pain is heading his way. Ah, young love…so beautiful, yet so excruciating… -Iroh_)

I care for my mother. And my Uncle. Maybe I left a few out, alright peasant? You're so annoying sometimes, you know that? (As if _I_, the world leader to-be, could ever possibly be in the state of being dubbed 'not getting any.' I'm insulted.)

The Tough, Strong, and So-Not-Needing-Your-Help-Today,

Zuko

P.S. Tell the nobles that. They're convinced that Ty Lee and I are going to be the _future ruler's of the Fire Nation_. Idiots. (Almost as idiotic as Uncle believing that we are _meant to be_.

**

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**

_Dear Zuko (I'm not gonna bother today. You've probably guessed why.),_

_Oh God. I heard. They're giving you an arranged marriage with Ty Lee, aren't they?_

_I can't stand it. I never thought they'd actually go _through_ with it…_

_Zuko, I'm coming. I'm not gonna loose you now, after everything we've been through together._

_The Worried Friend That Thinks She Might Be In Love With You,_

_Katara_

_P.S. Hell, scratch that. I _am_ in love with you._

**

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**

Dear Katara (I suppose that I'll have to call you that now, won't I?),

…

…

…Well. It's a miracle, pea—Katara.

You have me speechless.

Congratulations, wench. You've managed to make a fool of the both of us at once.

I would think that even a Water Tribe peasant such as yourself would know better than to barge in a wedding in the middle of the vows, grab the groom by the collar, and kiss him like there's no tomorrow. I have to admit, it was…interesting.

Intimate Mai might have been, but you can do things with your tongue that actually surprise me. (Where'd you learn to do that, anyway?)

You said you loved me.

I don't hate you. (Uncle says that's rude, and that I must tell the truth. I really hate him sometimes.)

So…

The truth is.

ARRGH. I sort of…kind of…might…love you back.

Maybe. (Although it would be difficult if I claimed that I didn't, after all of that crap at the wedding.)

Your New…Husband,

Zuko

P.S. Lay off the fire flakes. They give you gas.

**

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**

_Dear Zuko (You inconsiderate jerk. Remember that first time I wrote that?),_

_I'm glad._

_I deserve speechlessness. (You know it's true. I'm awesome, aren't I?)_

_It's nice to here that you enjoyed kissing me. I had fun, too. And I'm really; _really_ glad I beat out Mai. Really. (Hell yeah, bitch! He's mine now. But don't feel bed. He hogs that covers. Though the sex, I must admit, is great.)_

_I'd prefer not to disclose the information as to who taught me to "kiss like that." (Don't ask.)_

_I love you, sweetie. (Oh, no! We're turning into cliché newlywed couples! If you start calling me "honey bun," I'll kill you, I swear…)_

_Hell yeah. I've said it more than you._

_I rule, don't I?_

_You're really damn lucky to have me as your wife, you know that?_

_Love You Forever,_

_Katara_

_P.S. Stop leaving your underwear on the floor. It smells like crap._

**FIN.

* * *

**Hm. I'm worried that Zuko was OOC. He was a little TOO nasty, wasn't he? Well, for the sake and purpose of this story, let's call it denial, ; ). (And let's face it--we all know that wimp in _The Western Air Temple_ is the same Zuko-clone that took over in _The Guru_. Srsly. Zuko is NOT that dorky.) Please, tell me what you thought of it! 


End file.
